liana

liana l i a n a (-:

i didn’t need to talk to you.

i just wanted to talk to you.

i didn’t need you to be with me.

i wanted you to want to be with me.

shouldn’t you feel happy that i’m into you more than how you feel towards me?

but so what, i didn’t care.

it was just the way you put it out, you were not proud of it.

is it how you think of our future together?

your friends, your family, the community?

you said you don’t have much stories to tell.

it’s because you chose not to.

but for this, you could have just kept it to yourself.

last night i dreamt you were angry.

you said i had no sympathy maybe because in reality,

i might ended it too abruptly you might not see it coming.

if it was true, i hope you forgive me.

thanks for giving us a chance.

for proving that it’s not our cultural differences that set us apart, but solely on how feelings drifted.

otherside of the world

'over the sea and far away

she's waiting like an iceberg, waiting to change.

but she's cold inside.

she wants to be like the water.

all the muscles tighten in her face,

buries her soul in one embrace

they're one and the same, just like water'

positive vibes, not!

i might lack creativity but this is the best blog template i ever created for myself.

10 years and running!

btw, i'm blogging today to express my current thoughts;

- i can't live by myself, though i found a place. my parents totally objected the idea at the end of dec 2020.

because they said i couldn't take care of myself. maybe for my weakness in cockroaches, lizards and ants.

worst nightmare.

- my work promotion. the more i want it, the harder i work for it, it is not coming.

- the feeling of 'void'.

sighs. crying myself goodnight.

31/07/2020

this is me @ 27. it's 3.54am and i couldn't sleep.

i just recalled i have this blog so i'm revisiting and putting my mac into good use.

within the 2 years, since the last time i'm here, nothing much really happened.

or maybe i'm just in denial. maybe, if you know me, you tell me?

when i look at my old posts below, i was pretty bemused with all the negativity and vulnerability.

i think i'm a stronger person now. reading all the entries below in the wee hours,

made me sit up and log in to blogspot and write this post to update that i'm finer now.

though i've been reading less compared to my uni days, i spent more time watching netflix haha.

basically my phone and laptop replaces all the papers but i'm still not as phone-savvy as compared to my mom lol.

i'm in good health, could be better in shape as always.

i'm blessed for my parents and sisters.

i've also grown to be more self-sufficient/demanding and easy-going (surprisingly).

i see no benefit in being uptight about the nitty gritty things that don't really matter.

i wish i could tell you more, but yea, i'm gg for a run now. till then.

this is me @ 25

i'm back to square 1. it doesn't feel like i'm a fresh graduate.
maybe just a young, confused and temperamental.
quit my first job, sometimes i think it's Escape.

i'm really lazy to type more now but I'm typing this lol.
ugh i want to go somewhere, bye.

yo, peeps
bye, peeps.

oh, don't start

why are you still sitting

on that dream

wishing for another delusion

hoping it's real

while you know you're never ready

for the truth

grateful

nobody helped me except for myself. not even the therapist.

sydney
new york
istanbul
zurich
paris
london
copenhagen
munich
berlin

oslo

tromso

stockholm

seville

milan

rome

beijing

shanghai

the shittiest hour of your life might probably be when everything's low batt.
your phone.
your laptop.
your energy.
ok dead. bye

results out but...
omg i freaking miss my friends and school.
anyway, finally effort paid off with my research paper.
i don't regret calling my professor my husband.
after so many divorces but since he gave me a 78...
now, we're going to be forever bliss.
hahahahahhahahahaaaaa

this is suppose to be a title but i can't think of anything cool
met a russian exchange student, a mix of korean and iranian
and we walked for sightseeing
brought him to Gong Cha and instead of getting green tea macchiato or some asian drink,
he got an iced coffee drink, like what you'll order in starbucks.
hahahhahahaahhaha ok cute.

i also befriended a brazilian girl and she was so afraid to jaywalk.
the common feedback i got from both of them about singapore
is how they feel restricted on the things they could do here
because of our laws and regulations but also pointed out that it's ok because
afterall, singapore is a safe country and they don't mind staying longer.
(see how i chose the word 'longer' as is doesn't equate to 'forever')
hahhaah. ok, enough of laughing by myself.
goodnight.

another post, another day
"the prettiest girl in the room she wants me
i know because she told me so
she said come over, 'i'd like to get to know you'
but i still don't think i can
cause' i STILL FEEL LIKE YO MAN"
*dab*
*dab*
*dab*

01:05, Tues
watching 13 reasons why.
it gets so mysterious, it's just stupid and cliche.
omg, if i die…
I WOULDN'T LEAVE ANYTHING BEHIND.
because as much as i want you to remember me, i need you to move on.
hannah is just selfish.

01:41, Mon
shit, history's gone.
i accidentally deleted my previous blog posts.
there is no turning back as it can't be recovered.
i hate you, Blogger. thanks for making my night. :8

i was in new york II